Why I said, "YES" ...to become a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking

I never had an aspiration to be a minister. And even though I am ordained now, it still sounds strange to say the word minister. I know it is the essence of who I am, but I wonder about the word. 

Although I have always had a deep sense of spirituality and have attended a variety of churches and explored different religions, the image of what I thought an ordained minister would be didn't seem to fit with me. It was as far from my thoughts as becoming a baseball player or a ballerina. I had an appreciation of the profession, but it wasn’t a path I felt  “called” to explore.

In 2005, my husband died and I became a grieving widow who was healing and picking up the pieces. Six months later, I found myself saying, “YES!” to studying a spiritual peacemaking ministry program.

It was the dead of winter in Baltimore, Maryland. I was regularly waking up at 3 am with a strong desire to study…something. For two months, I woke up at this early hour, lit a variety of candles of a different sizes and shapes on the mantle over the fireplace. I sat in meditation and began to study for 2-3 hours. I read a variety of books, underlined words, sentences and paragraphs with a highlighter marker and took notes in a journal. I read books about fairies in the garden, animal spirits, shamanism, Huna rituals from Hawaii, the Course in Miracles, conscious evolution and a variety of hands on healing modalities. Some of the books had been a part of my life for twenty years and others were an exploration of something new.

I felt like I was back in college. My soul was craving something. The feeling was so intense I felt like I was starving and would die if I didn't wake up and study. The internal pull towards this became my Yes! One day at a time, I rolled out of bed, heated water for tea, started a fire, lit the candles, read and studied. Every morning I felt my thirst was quenched until the next morning when I was pulled into this again.

One morning I woke up at 2am, with an urgency to study a deeper spiritual program. I felt like I was shot out of a canon with the feeling of "Do it now!" I felt guided to get on the internet and search for a program to study; Jean Houston, Sonia Choquette, Barbara Marx Hubbard and a variety of mystery schools. I finally found James Twyman's Beloved Community Ministry Program. I had participated in peace programs with James for ten years. The energy and aliveness was surging through me. The Beloved Community program was shifting from a two-year program with a master's degree to a three month intensive.

I was ready. The discipline was instilled in me from two months of preparation. I continued waking up early, and studied the assignments.

After 11 weeks, I completed the program and registered for the retreat where I would be ordained as a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking. I had not consciously chosen the path of ministry. I was a widow with a broken heart. My heart was cracked wide open and ready to receive an inner guidance.

In my grieving, the path had chosen me.

Why I said, "YES" ...to ziplining in Jamaica

Saying, "YES! led me to an experience of freedom. 
 

My husband Hurley was a born explorer and adventurer. He was a skydiving jump master, a falconer and a lover of roller coasters. When he was diagnosed with cancer, he was in the process of building an ultra-light airplane. He planned on learning to fly it when it was finished. He died 10 months later with a few more adventures in the works.
 
My idea of adventure is long distance road trips, museums, nature walks, the ferris wheel, the merry-go-round and walks on the beach.  

A year after my husband's death, a friend invited me to go on a Shaklee bonus cruise to Jamaica and Cancun and the Bahamas. Betsy and I both love to travel and this was an incredible gift. When we arrived on the ship, Betsy and I were looking at the off shore excursion choices. We both jumped at the idea of going to the Mayan ruins and temples, shopping and lunch in the Bahamas and a variety of spa treatments on the days at sea. Then, Betsy found something she had always wanted to do, ziplining above the canopy of trees in Jamaica. Although not as extreme as skydiving, I could feel the palms of my hands begin to sweat and my stomach doing a flip flop. I wasn't sure if I could do this because of the heights, but with Betsy's eagerness and the thought of my deceased husband, Hurley, I decided to go for it. I felt into the, "YES!" rising up from my heart.
 

When my husband died, I didn't feel survivor's guilt for being the person who continued to live. But, I did feel a responsibility to live life fully, to add adventures to my life that he would never have the chance to do. I felt inspired to appreciate waking up and living each day.
 

In Jamaica, we were transported by bus to a location with zipline guides, and equipment. As I suited up in the harness and helmet, I felt my husband's spirit strapped in with me. Standing on the edge of the cliff, with the guide giving me words of encouragement and explaining how safe I was while connecting me to the zipline, I took a minute to close my eyes and feel the connection with my husband in my heart. "Okay, Hurley, let's go. This one's for you!"
 

I jumped off the cliff to fly over the first riverbed releasing a scream of nervousness and excitement and joy. For the next 45 minutes, we moved along the zipline landing on one platform after another. On the last zipline run, the longest one in the series of leaps, the entire line was above the tops of the trees. One of my passions is watching birds fly and soar. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was a bird flying over the tree tops.  
 

I wanted it to go on forever. My heart soared as I felt gratitude to have had the experience. Between the eagerness of Betsy and the inspiration to live life fully, I had experienced one of the most powerful, fun moments of freedom in my lifetime.   
 
Someday I will do it again for the pure joy of the adventure and the gratitude for being alive. I will not waste one moment of the precious time I have here. I will embrace it all and live a life worth celebrating. I say, "YES!" to life...

Why I said, "YES" ...

Last week, I created my first SoundCloud audio. I called it, "Why I said, "YES!" to the Awesome Women Hub. As the audio was shared on Facebook, the words, "Why I said, "YES!" activated something inside of me.

When I woke up this morning I was thinking about all of the times I listened to my heart and I said, "YES!" I am not talking about the kind of yes you say because you can't say no and don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Or the times you say, yes, because you think you have to or should or there is this heavy obligation.

I am talking about the, "YES!" that stirs your heart, that resonates with the core of who you are, that encourages you to take a step and explore it, that leads you to something even though you don't know what will emerge.

I have experienced that, "YES!" as a slow rumble that grows, a little whisper, a wave of knowing, an internal high five, a shiver through my body, an out loud command, a billboard on the side of the highway, a flip flop of joy from my heart and even a feeling of, "I will die if I do not say, YES!" to this."

What does your "YES" sound like? Share in the comments and if you want to write a blog, I would love guest bloggers who will share their YES! with all of us. Send me an e-mail. opentoinspiration@gmail.com

What door opened for you when you said, "YES!"? What unexpected experiences arrived? What newness emerged from you?

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Click to Listen to SoundCloud: Why I said, "YES! to Awesome Women Hub Tour