Why I said, "YES"...a Day in Oklahoma City

Oklahoma City: An Example of Peace on Earth

Oklahoma City: An example of Peace on Earth by Andrea Hylen

(This was originally published in Beloved World- Voices of Peace Newsletter Sept 2008) 

Voices of Peace: Sept 2008

July 7, 2008 - A journal entry

Words seem so inadequate on this day.

By spending the morning and the evening at the Oklahoma City Memorial, I feel that my life has been touched in a profound way. I sit here staring at the blank page feeling the stillness, not knowing how to capture this experience in words.

A field of empty chairs represents the lives lost on April 19, 1995. My heart felt like it was bursting open when I first entered the Memorial Gateway. Tears ran down by cheeks, as I opened to the emotion. I felt  like my heart was bursting with love and gratitude. Love and gratitude? This took me by surprise. I found out later that the entrance we walked through was the Door of Hope. And that is what I felt.

Through the tragedy of loss, the powerful emotions of forgiveness, healing, hope and love have arisen here. Beginning with the people who responded with help immediately, to those who came from afar, to the words of love from children, this is an example of the hope and beauty that is arising on the planet.

 

 

The people of Oklahoma City have risen from the ashes and chosen peace. They are an example of peace on Earth as we each make conscious choices for inner peace.

An educator in the museum shared the peace programs that have been birthed here. Conflict resolution classes in schools; Cards and artwork from children, like the tile that reads, ”The world cares.” Sharing tools of peace with the children.

Every night when the sun goes down, the lights below each chair shine brighter and brighter. As the darkness spreads throughout the city, I see the moon at the highest point in the sky. There is stillness. The chairs that represent loss are transformed and emerge into brilliant candles of hope and light.

 

I see in this moment, it is in the greatest times of darkness that we become the brightest lights.

 

 

 

Why I said, "YES" ...to P.S. I LOVE YOU (grieving the loss of a spouse)

Two years after my husband died, a film came out called, "P.S. I Love You." Several people recommended the film to me about a widow whose husband leaves a series of letters and gifts for her to receive during the first year after his death. When I first heard the words and the description, I knew I couldn't watch it for several reasons.

One, during the last year of my husband's life, he was fighting to live. There were a few conversations about the future where he told me to take some of the life insurance money and go to Greece on a trip which was one of my dreams. But most of the last year of his life was spent researching treatments and watching him fight for his life. No time was spent on saying goodbye and looking at the end.

Two, I was angry. I did not want to watch a film about how two people loved each other so much. I didn't want to see this amazing husband who left his grieving widow lovely gifts and positive messages. My husband left me with paperwork and junk and a drug addicted business tenant. He left me with unanswered questions and an incomplete ending. He left the family with anger and hurt from his prescription drug induced rage and insanity. Thorns instead of roses.

Over a period of time, the film kept crossing my path. One summer evening, I was at the video store and there it was on DVD. I felt ready to see it. I had moved through the anger and was ready to forgive my husband and forgive myself. I had developed more compassion and with time I had filtered through the physical experience and the unresolved junk in our relationship. I was beginning to remember some of the amazing moments in our relationship. I rented the DVD, popped some popcorn and grabbed a box of tissues. No one else was home.

Throughout the film, I cried silent tears with occasional sobbing inhalations. Finally, the last letter arrived. I knew that these were the words my husband would have said to me. In the last few weeks of his life, he did say these words with his eyes.

"Dear Holly (replaced in my heart with Andrea), I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you".

As I watched the film all alone in my house, a sound came out of me that I had never heard before. When the words of the letter were spoken, a howling, guttural sound of pain burst from me. It was the loudest, most primitive sound I had ever heard. It sounded like an animal in excruciating pain. Without controlling anything, the sound was released from my soul.

As I watched the end of the film and cried more tears, I knew the film had arrived at the perfect time. I was ready to heal the deeper pain and loss of my husband. I was ready to close the chapter. I was ready to fall in love with life again.

It has been several more years now. I think of my husband with feelings of love and gratitude and honor. I remember the night after ten years of marriage when he told me I was not his soul mate but his destiny. With the deep life journey we were on for over fifteen years, I would agree. The deepest most profound learning of my life happened over and over during those fifteen years. It is now my life work and my husband is my guardian angel.

I have fallen in love with myself and with life again and the next book of my life has begun.

Hurley (RIP 2005) and our son Cooper (RIP 1993)

*****

Andrea Hylen is a Life Energy Coach specializing in Grief Transformation, founder of Heal My Voice, a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking and co-author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman's Guide to Life. Some day she will finish writing the book: Open to Inspiration: The summer a woman discovered herself with a teenage daughter and the Jonas Brothers on a 10,000 mile road trip. Her greatest desire is to inspire people to live a deeper, richer life as leaders of their own lives and to connect with people for deeper conversations. 

Why I said “YES”... to writing my book Divine Worth: Kimberly Coots

GUEST BLOGGER: Kimberly Coots

Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 9 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Kimberly Coots whose book DIVINE WORTH - Break the Bonds of Unworthiness and Create the Life You Desire! launches on Amazon on Tuesday May 24, 2011.

Author Kimberly Ann Coots is a transformational life coach, business development coach and speaker. Her passion is to help shift humanity's consciousness from fear, lack and separation, to love, connection and abundance. Through her coaching, courses, speaking and books, Kimberly is a guide to transforming unworthiness conditioning, stepping into your power and living a life you love. She is certified in many holistic and spiritual modalities. She has been ordained as a Spiritual Peace Minister by James Twyman, is a certified Reconnection Healer by Dr. Eric Pearl and is a Facilitator for the Seminary of Spiritual Peacemaking. As a successful business development specialist, Kimberly also helps entrepreneurs make a profit and a difference.

Yesterday, Kimberly visited Callie Carling at http://www.positivitybubbles.com/2011/05/divine-worth/   where they talked about self-worth linked to abundance, transforming that feeling of unworthiness and art to living from the heart.     

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent interview I had with Kimberly when I got to ask her on the sole question Why I said Yes. I hope you enjoy it.

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Kimberly Coots: Why I said “YES” to writing my book Divine Worth

Writing has been a passion of mine since my early teens.  About 13 months ago I started to feel knowingness and inner calling that it was time to write another book.  I wasn’t sure what it would be about, but I knew it would be transformational.

This is a great example of how the universe works to support us in living our hearts’ desires.  Shortly after I began to sense this inner calling, I received a message from my friend, James Twyman, about a contest he was involved in called The Next Top Spiritual Author Contest.  My resonation with this was off the charts!  I knew it was time to take action on my inner calling, and this contest was the perfect way to inspire me.

I got in touch with my heart – I’ve had a significant healing journey and I got in touch with the core of what my journey was about.  I realized that it was about becoming aware of how unworthiness sabotaged my happiness, healing that self-limiting belief system and stepping into my heart and power to live a life I love. 

I see all around me how unworthiness affects people’s lives and I knew it was time to open up and be vulnerable to help shift this condition in the world.  Claiming my own true unconditional worth allowed me to release what wasn’t really working in my life and open up to what lights me up.  This book is intended to help others do the same.  I said yes and the universe worked through me to bring this message of unconditional love into the world.

Not only did I open to allow this book to be manifested through me, I also healed on an even deeper level and I engaged my passion of writing and speaking in the process.  And that’s just the beginning.

My vision is for the insights, tools and exercises in this book to make a positive impact in the world by creating a consciousness shift in people individually, which ultimately affects the collective consciousness of the whole.  We are moving from fear, lack and separation to more love, connection and abundance, and this book is a tool for the shift. YES!

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Kimberly Coots and that you’ll check out her book DIVINE WORTH - Break the Bonds of Unworthiness and Create the Life You Desire! at http://divineworth.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html  

Here's why:

FREE 3-DAY PASS

When you visit the page at the link above and request a "launch reminder", you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Kimberly's 3-day "Discover Our Divine Worth Telesummit" with 9 leading authors, Coaches and Speakers on How You are ALREADY Worth Enough to Create The Life You Desire.  You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast.

This telesummit is a completely free
"no purchase necessary" gift from Kimberly

FREE GIFTS

When you buy Kimberly's book on Tuesday May 24, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me:

Audio and eBook: The Power of Self-Love

To claim your 3-Day Pass and read about the free gifts, go to: http://divineworth.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Kimberly tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Paula Tarrant, who will be interviewing Kimberly on #1 cause of unworthiness amongst women, undoing the patterns of unworthiness and subtle ways unworthiness shows up.  To visit that "stop" on the tour, go to http://inspiredwomenwork.com/embracing-your-divine-worth/  

Why I said, "YES" ...to become a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking

I never had an aspiration to be a minister. And even though I am ordained now, it still sounds strange to say the word minister. I know it is the essence of who I am, but I wonder about the word. 

Although I have always had a deep sense of spirituality and have attended a variety of churches and explored different religions, the image of what I thought an ordained minister would be didn't seem to fit with me. It was as far from my thoughts as becoming a baseball player or a ballerina. I had an appreciation of the profession, but it wasn’t a path I felt  “called” to explore.

In 2005, my husband died and I became a grieving widow who was healing and picking up the pieces. Six months later, I found myself saying, “YES!” to studying a spiritual peacemaking ministry program.

It was the dead of winter in Baltimore, Maryland. I was regularly waking up at 3 am with a strong desire to study…something. For two months, I woke up at this early hour, lit a variety of candles of a different sizes and shapes on the mantle over the fireplace. I sat in meditation and began to study for 2-3 hours. I read a variety of books, underlined words, sentences and paragraphs with a highlighter marker and took notes in a journal. I read books about fairies in the garden, animal spirits, shamanism, Huna rituals from Hawaii, the Course in Miracles, conscious evolution and a variety of hands on healing modalities. Some of the books had been a part of my life for twenty years and others were an exploration of something new.

I felt like I was back in college. My soul was craving something. The feeling was so intense I felt like I was starving and would die if I didn't wake up and study. The internal pull towards this became my Yes! One day at a time, I rolled out of bed, heated water for tea, started a fire, lit the candles, read and studied. Every morning I felt my thirst was quenched until the next morning when I was pulled into this again.

One morning I woke up at 2am, with an urgency to study a deeper spiritual program. I felt like I was shot out of a canon with the feeling of "Do it now!" I felt guided to get on the internet and search for a program to study; Jean Houston, Sonia Choquette, Barbara Marx Hubbard and a variety of mystery schools. I finally found James Twyman's Beloved Community Ministry Program. I had participated in peace programs with James for ten years. The energy and aliveness was surging through me. The Beloved Community program was shifting from a two-year program with a master's degree to a three month intensive.

I was ready. The discipline was instilled in me from two months of preparation. I continued waking up early, and studied the assignments.

After 11 weeks, I completed the program and registered for the retreat where I would be ordained as a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking. I had not consciously chosen the path of ministry. I was a widow with a broken heart. My heart was cracked wide open and ready to receive an inner guidance.

In my grieving, the path had chosen me.