Why I said, "YES" ...to become a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking

I never had an aspiration to be a minister. And even though I am ordained now, it still sounds strange to say the word minister. I know it is the essence of who I am, but I wonder about the word. 

Although I have always had a deep sense of spirituality and have attended a variety of churches and explored different religions, the image of what I thought an ordained minister would be didn't seem to fit with me. It was as far from my thoughts as becoming a baseball player or a ballerina. I had an appreciation of the profession, but it wasn’t a path I felt  “called” to explore.

In 2005, my husband died and I became a grieving widow who was healing and picking up the pieces. Six months later, I found myself saying, “YES!” to studying a spiritual peacemaking ministry program.

It was the dead of winter in Baltimore, Maryland. I was regularly waking up at 3 am with a strong desire to study…something. For two months, I woke up at this early hour, lit a variety of candles of a different sizes and shapes on the mantle over the fireplace. I sat in meditation and began to study for 2-3 hours. I read a variety of books, underlined words, sentences and paragraphs with a highlighter marker and took notes in a journal. I read books about fairies in the garden, animal spirits, shamanism, Huna rituals from Hawaii, the Course in Miracles, conscious evolution and a variety of hands on healing modalities. Some of the books had been a part of my life for twenty years and others were an exploration of something new.

I felt like I was back in college. My soul was craving something. The feeling was so intense I felt like I was starving and would die if I didn't wake up and study. The internal pull towards this became my Yes! One day at a time, I rolled out of bed, heated water for tea, started a fire, lit the candles, read and studied. Every morning I felt my thirst was quenched until the next morning when I was pulled into this again.

One morning I woke up at 2am, with an urgency to study a deeper spiritual program. I felt like I was shot out of a canon with the feeling of "Do it now!" I felt guided to get on the internet and search for a program to study; Jean Houston, Sonia Choquette, Barbara Marx Hubbard and a variety of mystery schools. I finally found James Twyman's Beloved Community Ministry Program. I had participated in peace programs with James for ten years. The energy and aliveness was surging through me. The Beloved Community program was shifting from a two-year program with a master's degree to a three month intensive.

I was ready. The discipline was instilled in me from two months of preparation. I continued waking up early, and studied the assignments.

After 11 weeks, I completed the program and registered for the retreat where I would be ordained as a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking. I had not consciously chosen the path of ministry. I was a widow with a broken heart. My heart was cracked wide open and ready to receive an inner guidance.

In my grieving, the path had chosen me.