Why I said, "Yes" ... to being a stay at home mum

GUEST BLOGGER: Soli Goodes
http://journaljunky.com.au/

Two months after my 18th birthday my son Kye was born. A healthy, beautiful 9p14oz perfect baby boy.

The moment he was plonked onto my chest ~ all wet and purply looking from being squeezed out into the world ~ my heart did a little summersault of joy. ‘My baby! My healthy beautiful baby!’ I’ve never heard my heart speak so loudly. ‘Welcome little soul. Thank you for choosing me. You are safe here ~ I love you ~ I will look after you.’

In that moment my commitment to call forth my every resource to be the best possible mum I could be & give Kye the most loving start in life I could, poured forth from my very being without a thought. It was in the essence.

At 18 honestly I had no idea what the future would hold. No Idea HOW I would be the good mum I promised to be. But I trusted my heart would lead the way.

And so it was the path to being Kye’s loving stay at home mum began to unfold.
First was breast feeding. Ouchy! Who would have thought something so natural could be such painful, trying hard work (I guess labour could have been a clue). It took three weeks of what seemed like hourly feeds & painfully tender nipples before we found a groove that was liveable. Lucky he was so cute!

The first year was all consuming baby work; feeding, changing, playing, patting him to sleep. I was grateful when at 9 months Kye decided breast milk was no longer for him. And at the same time he started walking and talking. Wow! He went from baby to toddler over night.

Kye was a cool little kid, incredibly curious but never naughty. The next year and a bit was basically me running around behind Kye as he explored the world trying to avert any major disasters. It was the Clipsal emergency safety switch & not me that saved his little life the day he found his Dad’s car key & decided to try putting it into (what I thought was a well out of sight & reach) power socket. That was scary!
By the time Kye was one & a half he could say pretty much any word and at two he could carry on pretty in depth conversations. His curious little mind asking questions from morning to evening every single day. He was brilliant, adorable and exhausting!

Kye was about 2 or 3 and out of nappies when I first looked up, out and around at the world at large to wonder what should I do for work? I had from the time Kye was one been a party plan consultant. Doing perfume & aromatherapy parties in people’s homes, weekends & evenings when Kye’s Dad was able to be home with him. I’d also done my massage training when Kye was one. My mum had cared for him while I studied.

But none of that seemed to satisfy the deep desire within me to make a meaningful contribution in a way that would support my family financially. And when I checked in with my heart ~ the guidance was clear~ ‘hold your horses career girl, your little son needs you.’

And so it was for years. I lived with being committed (both consciously & unconsciously) to care for Kye first above all else. And then also trying to make peace with my conscious desire (which was part ego, part social conditioning & part soulful) to have work that made me feel valuable, recognised and able to contribute financially to my family in a meaningful way. This inner conflict felt like torture at times and became the fuel for much deep soul searching.
For 11 years my heart was adamant ‘kye needs you and Kye comes first’. So with my hubby’s full support. And the occasional bit of grandbaby sitting as provided by Kye’s Nanna’s & Pop’s. I’ve been it! His full time at home Mum.

Kye’s never been to a childcare provider or before or after school care. He’s never even had a baby sitter who wasn’t family. And why not? All because my heart said ‘caring for Kye is your first priority, making money, having a career, it will all have to wait.’

As I reflect now as the Mum of thirteen and a half year old Kye, I feel sure my heart had it right. Those years of his early childhood have whizzed by. I’m comforted to know that for him they are full of memories of being loved, supported and free to be a kid. I know he knows who I am. I have shared my heart & all I know thus far with Kye. I feel I’ve done my absolute best to prepare and empower him to know himself deeply, love himself fully and to live an awesome life ~ following his own heart.

The call for me to make my own valuable contribution in the world through career, through business, through serving others at large and making an income for my family, that’s always remained. But it was not as important to me as the call to be Kye’s stay at home Mum, and that’s why I said yes.


Soli Goodes
http://journaljunky.com.au/