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| Kentucky Horse Park |
It has always been important to me to create an environment for my all of my daughters to develop their own intuition and their inner guidance system. I know each of us have all of the answers within. When great leaders have been interviewed, the ability to listen to their own intuition is listed as one of the most important qualities. But, allowing those qualities to develop in your child can create a conflict when the parent's guidance is different.
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My 15-year-old daughter Hannah and I were on a summer road trip, with the first stop in Lexington, Kentucky, the Horse Capital of the World. I saw a sign when we first arrived at the Kentucky Horse Park. "Please excuse our construction while we build for the future." This was the perfect description of my relationship with Hannah. We were under construction while we built for the future.
The road trip was part of a healing journey. I felt we had lost touch with each other since her father's death two years earlier. She was a teenager with all of the normal inner and outer conflict. Added to that was the grief process which had caused her to withdraw from friends and family. I had been consumed with closing and selling my husband's business and all of the other details left when a person dies. As the matriarch and leader of the family, I needed time to be with her. Observing how she was doing, assessing the job I was doing as her mother and looking for ways I could lead and assist her into adulthood.
Kentucky was our first stop on the trip and already there were challenges. To begin our day, I hopped into the car and turned on music to dance and sing as I fastened my seat belt to drive a few miles to the Park. I wanted to have fun as we explored and reconnected!
Hannah turned off the music and glared at me. She preferred to slowly enter the day and this was too much noise for her. I pulled into the drive-thru for coffee and the manager working at the window saw our Maryland license plate and started a conversation with me. We talked and laughed while I waited for my coffee. As I pulled away with hot coffee in the cup holder beside me, Hannah sighed, rolled her eyes and turned to look out the passenger window.
Nothing is right or wrong here. We are different. We are individuals on this road trip. This was a clashing of the morning person and night person energy. When there are moments of our individuation I have to remember to surrender to the moment. To be who I am and honor my daughter's path choices.
Something had been leading me to go to the Kentucky Horse Park. Call it inner guidance or however you describe the place inside of you that has a knowing about things. Like when you know to pick up a phone and call someone, attend an event or go to a Horse Park. It doesn't have to make sense, just follow that inner voice. In the moment it happens, I have a feeling and my heart knows the answer before my mind understands.
I will say it again for you and to remind me... My heart knows before my mind understands... Something perfect always happens when I follow that inner voice. I trust and let go.
In the week before leaving on the trip, I had seen horses everywhere. They had been on shirts, purses, and magazines. It made sense that the first stop on our trip out West was Lexington, KY, Horse Capital of the World and we would go to the Horse Park. Although horses have never been my passion, I was paying attention to the messages.
Hannah used to have a passion for horses. She had always loved kids and animals. When a truck hit our golden retriever one Thanksgiving weekend, Hannah was the one who slept on the living room floor with him to nurse him back to health. Lying on a rug, next to the wood stove fire, she comforted him back to a full recovery giving him medicine, waking up with him in the middle of the night, and singing lightly to him. She was only 7 years old then.
A few summers ago, when Hannah's sister had an acting job in Palo Duro Canyon, Texas, we went horseback riding. Hannah enjoyed it so much she took horseback riding lessons until a freaky experience happened with a horse running away with her. She wasn't hurt but she didn't want to ride anymore. I do have compassion for that experience and how it changed her desire to ride horses.
This morning in Kentucky, to my surprise, Hannah was determined not to go in. She told me the night before and she told me this morning. She had no intention of going into the park. I told her we weren't riding horses at the Park today. We were looking at them and learning about them. At the Horse Park, there were the cutest little mommy ponies and their babies. I knew she would love to see them. I was just as determined to go to the Park. The inner guidance within me was so strong I trusted it and refused to ignore it.
Here's the reason I was determined. Following your inner guidance is about building a relationship with yourself. I was building a foundation of trust where I was telling my inner guidance, I trust you. I will follow your guidance even when I don't know where you are leading me. My inner guidance has never led me to a dangerous situation. I may be out of my comfort zone but never in danger. By letting go of figuring it all out in my head and just showing up for the experience I will discover something new.
When we arrived at the horse park, Hannah still refused to go in. After a 15-minute conversation back and forth, and a 30-minute walk around the parking lot, by myself, to let all of my stirred up feelings settle down, I agreed to go by myself. She was content to sit in the car for two to three hours with her book. We are individuals, right? She was old enough to sit in the parking lot, in the shade, with a book.
I am raising my daughter to be a leader in her life, to develop her own inner guidance system. Mine said, "Go." Hers said, "No." I had to let go of my own internal resistance to the differences.
The first thing I saw in the park was an inspiring mural of horses running through the water: Thou Shalt Fly Without Wings. Something about it stirred my heart and I took a picture. Next was a bronze statue of two colts. One was in a position of jumping up and down. The other was lying on the ground. I nicknamed them Andrea and Hannah. The statue was a visual expression of who we were today.
The horse park became a place for me to reflect. The horse was a symbol for travel and freedom. In ancient cultures it was considered a warrior spirit - the brave fighter who brought you safety in your journeys. I observed everything in the few hours I was there. I appreciated the magnificence of the animals and the people who loved them so much and I thought about the trip with Hannah. Why were we here? What could we learn from each other? How could I stay open to experiencing this journey with her as a separate person and not a mother who has been responsible for caring for her for 15 years? Can I give her the space to emerge as an individual and let go more? Can I watch her make mistakes and not rush in to rescue? I am already stirred up as our differences are surfacing.
I am a leader, a connector who loves to build community.
Hannah is a strong, individual self who is listening to her own inner guidance. She is the leader of her life.
I am open to learning from her and see where we go from here. All I can do is trust and let go.
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