Why I said “YES”... to the Beauty of Gray Hair

For the past few months I have been exploring the idea of dying my hair. I will be 55 years old in October and the isolated gray strands of hair are increasing. They are gathering in clustered groups and I am more aware of the gray. For the first time I have joined the conversation: to dye or not to dye.

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I dyed my hair blond in 10th grade to please a boyfriend. At a Saturday night sleepover with my girlfriend, Nancy Koerner, we decided to dye my hair since my boyfriend said he preferred blonds. Ugh! Even writing that statement makes me sick to my stomach right now. But that was the state of my self-esteem. To even consider changing my body in ANY way to please a man... a boy. Ugh!

Nancy was my best friend and she loved to play with hair. She was my anti-thesis. I didn't even brush my straight, thin hair every day.  She was always experimenting with hair color and style. She decided I should have highlights, I think it was called frosting. As she pulled the strands of hair through holes in the cap with an instrument that looked like a crochet hook, my hair got all tangled.  After about an hour of this frustration, Nancy and I decided to dump the chemicals on all of my hair. We both looked in the mirror at the end of the process and lied to each other about how good it looked.

When my boyfriend saw me the next day with blond hair he just stared at me. Ouch! The memory of standing in the driveway of my home and seeing the look of horror and shock on his face, still brings back memories of hurt. He broke up with me a few weeks later and it took a few years of dying my hair with a brown tint, waiting for it all to grow back to the natural color of mousy brown to move on from that dying incident. I never had the desire to dye my hair again. As a matter of fact, I had an aversion to it. It reminded me of a time I did something, "to be loved," that was out of integrity with who I am. Good, painful life lesson.

Throughout my life time I have had a variety of haircuts and body waves to try to find the right hairstyle. I would find a haircut that worked for awhile, struggle to find something new and then throw up my hands in surrender. I have straight, thin hair with several cowlicks. Challenging, uninteresting hair.

For a period of about five years in the late 1990's, early 2000's, I lived in paint clothes and wore a bandana on my head. Home schooling my kids, running Girl Scout troops and Destination Imagination teams I also refinished the floors and painted all of the walls in an 11 room house we were renovating. I never felt self-conscious about being in public with uncombed hair hidden by the bandana. Grocery shopping, a coffee shop, or meeting a friend for a casual lunch. It was my lifestyle and I loved the creativity that was flowing through me in the renovating and learning environment.

Oh, and when I went camping with the Girl Scouts, I did not look for a shower. Camping for three days meant dirty body, dirty hair and dirty clothes. Taking a shower while camping seemed like a contradiction.

You can see that I am not a primping and polished kind of girl. But, primping and aging are two different things. As I have explored my inner voice this year, I have also taken more moments to look at my body, my hair, the wrinkles around my mouth and eyes and the stretch marks on my belly. I notice the sagging chin and the graying hair. The red capillaries and rosacea that appeared on my face after the birth of four children. The freckles that are beginning to look more like age spots.

In those moments of self-examination, I think about plastic surgery, dying my hair, losing weight, and beauty products. I feel into the vulnerability, the messages from society, the aging that is happening with the passing of time.

This morning I looked in the mirror and saw a section of ten hairs that were all gray. That is enough of a gathering, a clustering to change the color of my hair in certain spots. It is a preview for what is coming.

I stood still, took a breath and felt my way into the beauty of this time of my life. Carving a path of what it means to get older. All of the wisdom. The feeling of being deeply connected to my soul. Knowing who I am. I have had such an amazing life. So many incredible experiences. And more than the memories of travel to Hawaii, ziplining in Jamaica, owning an 11 room house, I am thinking about the waves of life where I have learned who I am; where I learned how to surf with the challenges. Now that is living an amazing life. I know who I am. And I know if I decide to dye my hair, it will have to be for me. It will have to be because I want that experience for myself.

Looking in the mirror, I began to speak out loud. "Hello, you. What is the next adventure? Gray hair?" I began to feel the inner excitement of that. What would that be like? What shade of gray will be my natural color? I crinkled my eyes to accentuate the wrinkles. I examined all aspects of my face. I really looked at my face and I saw the adventure and the beauty of opening the door to the experience of aging.

In that moment, I decided...

I say, Yes! to my beautiful graying hair. I say, Yes! to embracing the experience of aging. I...say...YES!

Why I said “YES”... to writing my book Divine Worth: Kimberly Coots

GUEST BLOGGER: Kimberly Coots

Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 9 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Kimberly Coots whose book DIVINE WORTH - Break the Bonds of Unworthiness and Create the Life You Desire! launches on Amazon on Tuesday May 24, 2011.

Author Kimberly Ann Coots is a transformational life coach, business development coach and speaker. Her passion is to help shift humanity's consciousness from fear, lack and separation, to love, connection and abundance. Through her coaching, courses, speaking and books, Kimberly is a guide to transforming unworthiness conditioning, stepping into your power and living a life you love. She is certified in many holistic and spiritual modalities. She has been ordained as a Spiritual Peace Minister by James Twyman, is a certified Reconnection Healer by Dr. Eric Pearl and is a Facilitator for the Seminary of Spiritual Peacemaking. As a successful business development specialist, Kimberly also helps entrepreneurs make a profit and a difference.

Yesterday, Kimberly visited Callie Carling at http://www.positivitybubbles.com/2011/05/divine-worth/   where they talked about self-worth linked to abundance, transforming that feeling of unworthiness and art to living from the heart.     

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent interview I had with Kimberly when I got to ask her on the sole question Why I said Yes. I hope you enjoy it.

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Kimberly Coots: Why I said “YES” to writing my book Divine Worth

Writing has been a passion of mine since my early teens.  About 13 months ago I started to feel knowingness and inner calling that it was time to write another book.  I wasn’t sure what it would be about, but I knew it would be transformational.

This is a great example of how the universe works to support us in living our hearts’ desires.  Shortly after I began to sense this inner calling, I received a message from my friend, James Twyman, about a contest he was involved in called The Next Top Spiritual Author Contest.  My resonation with this was off the charts!  I knew it was time to take action on my inner calling, and this contest was the perfect way to inspire me.

I got in touch with my heart – I’ve had a significant healing journey and I got in touch with the core of what my journey was about.  I realized that it was about becoming aware of how unworthiness sabotaged my happiness, healing that self-limiting belief system and stepping into my heart and power to live a life I love. 

I see all around me how unworthiness affects people’s lives and I knew it was time to open up and be vulnerable to help shift this condition in the world.  Claiming my own true unconditional worth allowed me to release what wasn’t really working in my life and open up to what lights me up.  This book is intended to help others do the same.  I said yes and the universe worked through me to bring this message of unconditional love into the world.

Not only did I open to allow this book to be manifested through me, I also healed on an even deeper level and I engaged my passion of writing and speaking in the process.  And that’s just the beginning.

My vision is for the insights, tools and exercises in this book to make a positive impact in the world by creating a consciousness shift in people individually, which ultimately affects the collective consciousness of the whole.  We are moving from fear, lack and separation to more love, connection and abundance, and this book is a tool for the shift. YES!

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Kimberly Coots and that you’ll check out her book DIVINE WORTH - Break the Bonds of Unworthiness and Create the Life You Desire! at http://divineworth.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html  

Here's why:

FREE 3-DAY PASS

When you visit the page at the link above and request a "launch reminder", you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Kimberly's 3-day "Discover Our Divine Worth Telesummit" with 9 leading authors, Coaches and Speakers on How You are ALREADY Worth Enough to Create The Life You Desire.  You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast.

This telesummit is a completely free
"no purchase necessary" gift from Kimberly

FREE GIFTS

When you buy Kimberly's book on Tuesday May 24, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me:

Audio and eBook: The Power of Self-Love

To claim your 3-Day Pass and read about the free gifts, go to: http://divineworth.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Kimberly tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Paula Tarrant, who will be interviewing Kimberly on #1 cause of unworthiness amongst women, undoing the patterns of unworthiness and subtle ways unworthiness shows up.  To visit that "stop" on the tour, go to http://inspiredwomenwork.com/embracing-your-divine-worth/  

Why I said, "YES" ... and stood up for a Girl Scout named Mariam

I used to think that being a leader meant being the head of an organization or a group. And then I became a Girl Scout Leader to a Daisy troop of four year old girls. The experience led me to work as a Girl Scout leader for 10 years and that changed the way I saw leadership. I learned that leadership for me was more about finding ways of empowering others and creating an environment for them to be more of who they are.

One year in the springtime a mother of one of the girls from my troop was organizing a court of awards ceremony at a large community event. Our troop was to provide Girl Scouts from our troop for the ceremony. One of the Junior Girl Scouts named Mariam came to me and said she would like to be in the ceremony. She would like to carry a flag. When I mentioned this to the mother who was organizing the ceremony, her reaction was no because Mariam was too loud and boisterous and would never settle down for this serious ceremony. The mother said that Mariam would embarrass our troop. I disagreed with her.

She was right about Mariam's energy. Mariam had a big personality and she liked to push the limits. She had all of this electric, wild power that would burst from her and she was learning to channel it into creativity. She was a very talented artist, full of life energy. For five years I had watched her grow into her personal power. I believed that if she said she wanted to do it, that she would be able to focus on the intention of the ceremony. I knew my job was to support her in becoming more of who she was as a powerful young woman. It was not to create a perfect ceremony. I stood up for Mariam, talked to the mother about giving each of the girls a chance to develop leadership skills and convinced her this was an opportunity for Mariam to stretch herself into a new situation. The mother reluctantly agreed.

I talked with Mariam. I let her know that I believed in her and that I stood up for her. I let her know that it was up to her to show us what she could do. This was her opportunity to be a leader. I also let her know that no matter what happened, I loved her and would always love her.

On the day of the ceremony Mariam was excited and nervous. I gave her a hug, reminded her I believed in her and to enjoy the experience. I was so proud of Mariam as I watched her stand up straight and proudly carry the flag. There was a moment when Mariam's best friend, Katie, began to giggle. She was also carrying a flag in the ceremony and was walking next to Mariam. No one ever imagined that Katie would be the one to disrupt the seriousness of the ceremony. Mariam did not react. She stayed focused on honoring the flag, the ceremony and herself. She led the way and demonstrated a new leadership.

Standing up for Mariam became an example for all of us to say, "YES!" to the girls and to ourselves. We supported the girls to stretch into new opportunities, new expressions of themselves and let go of perfection.

Why I said, "Yes" ... to being a stay at home mum

GUEST BLOGGER: Soli Goodes
http://journaljunky.com.au/

Two months after my 18th birthday my son Kye was born. A healthy, beautiful 9p14oz perfect baby boy.

The moment he was plonked onto my chest ~ all wet and purply looking from being squeezed out into the world ~ my heart did a little summersault of joy. ‘My baby! My healthy beautiful baby!’ I’ve never heard my heart speak so loudly. ‘Welcome little soul. Thank you for choosing me. You are safe here ~ I love you ~ I will look after you.’

In that moment my commitment to call forth my every resource to be the best possible mum I could be & give Kye the most loving start in life I could, poured forth from my very being without a thought. It was in the essence.

At 18 honestly I had no idea what the future would hold. No Idea HOW I would be the good mum I promised to be. But I trusted my heart would lead the way.

And so it was the path to being Kye’s loving stay at home mum began to unfold.
First was breast feeding. Ouchy! Who would have thought something so natural could be such painful, trying hard work (I guess labour could have been a clue). It took three weeks of what seemed like hourly feeds & painfully tender nipples before we found a groove that was liveable. Lucky he was so cute!

The first year was all consuming baby work; feeding, changing, playing, patting him to sleep. I was grateful when at 9 months Kye decided breast milk was no longer for him. And at the same time he started walking and talking. Wow! He went from baby to toddler over night.

Kye was a cool little kid, incredibly curious but never naughty. The next year and a bit was basically me running around behind Kye as he explored the world trying to avert any major disasters. It was the Clipsal emergency safety switch & not me that saved his little life the day he found his Dad’s car key & decided to try putting it into (what I thought was a well out of sight & reach) power socket. That was scary!
By the time Kye was one & a half he could say pretty much any word and at two he could carry on pretty in depth conversations. His curious little mind asking questions from morning to evening every single day. He was brilliant, adorable and exhausting!

Kye was about 2 or 3 and out of nappies when I first looked up, out and around at the world at large to wonder what should I do for work? I had from the time Kye was one been a party plan consultant. Doing perfume & aromatherapy parties in people’s homes, weekends & evenings when Kye’s Dad was able to be home with him. I’d also done my massage training when Kye was one. My mum had cared for him while I studied.

But none of that seemed to satisfy the deep desire within me to make a meaningful contribution in a way that would support my family financially. And when I checked in with my heart ~ the guidance was clear~ ‘hold your horses career girl, your little son needs you.’

And so it was for years. I lived with being committed (both consciously & unconsciously) to care for Kye first above all else. And then also trying to make peace with my conscious desire (which was part ego, part social conditioning & part soulful) to have work that made me feel valuable, recognised and able to contribute financially to my family in a meaningful way. This inner conflict felt like torture at times and became the fuel for much deep soul searching.
For 11 years my heart was adamant ‘kye needs you and Kye comes first’. So with my hubby’s full support. And the occasional bit of grandbaby sitting as provided by Kye’s Nanna’s & Pop’s. I’ve been it! His full time at home Mum.

Kye’s never been to a childcare provider or before or after school care. He’s never even had a baby sitter who wasn’t family. And why not? All because my heart said ‘caring for Kye is your first priority, making money, having a career, it will all have to wait.’

As I reflect now as the Mum of thirteen and a half year old Kye, I feel sure my heart had it right. Those years of his early childhood have whizzed by. I’m comforted to know that for him they are full of memories of being loved, supported and free to be a kid. I know he knows who I am. I have shared my heart & all I know thus far with Kye. I feel I’ve done my absolute best to prepare and empower him to know himself deeply, love himself fully and to live an awesome life ~ following his own heart.

The call for me to make my own valuable contribution in the world through career, through business, through serving others at large and making an income for my family, that’s always remained. But it was not as important to me as the call to be Kye’s stay at home Mum, and that’s why I said yes.


Soli Goodes
http://journaljunky.com.au/ 

Why I said, "YES" ... Empowering my inner guidance system (and honoring my daughters)

Kentucky Horse Park

It has always been important to me to create an environment for my all of my daughters to develop their own intuition and their inner guidance system. I know each of us have all of the answers within. When great leaders have been interviewed, the ability to listen to their own intuition is listed as one of the most important qualities. But, allowing those qualities to develop in your child can create a conflict when the parent's guidance is different.

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My 15-year-old daughter Hannah and I were on a summer road trip, with the first stop in Lexington, Kentucky, the Horse Capital of the World. I saw a sign when we first arrived at the Kentucky Horse Park. "Please excuse our construction while we build for the future." This was the perfect description of my relationship with Hannah. We were under construction while we built for the future.

The road trip was part of a healing journey. I felt we had lost touch with each other since her father's death two years earlier. She was a teenager with all of the normal inner and outer conflict. Added to that was the grief process which had caused her to withdraw from friends and family. I had been consumed with closing and selling my husband's business and all of the other details left when a person dies. As the matriarch and leader of the family, I needed time to be with her. Observing how she was doing, assessing the job I was doing as her mother and looking for ways I could lead and assist her into adulthood.

Kentucky was our first stop on the trip and already there were challenges. To begin our day, I hopped into the car and turned on music to dance and sing as I fastened my seat belt to drive a few miles to the Park. I wanted to have fun as we explored and reconnected!

Hannah turned off the music and glared at me. She preferred to slowly enter the day and this was too much noise for her. I pulled into the drive-thru for coffee and the manager working at the window saw our Maryland license plate and started a conversation with me. We talked and laughed while I waited for my coffee. As I pulled away with hot coffee in the cup holder beside me, Hannah sighed, rolled her eyes and turned to look out the passenger window.

Nothing is right or wrong here. We are different. We are individuals on this road trip. This was a clashing of the morning person and night person energy. When there are moments of our individuation I have to remember to surrender to the moment. To be who I am and honor my daughter's path choices.

Something had been leading me to go to the Kentucky Horse Park. Call it inner guidance or however you describe the place inside of you that has a knowing about things. Like when you know to pick up a phone and call someone, attend an event or go to a Horse Park. It doesn't have to make sense, just follow that inner voice. In the moment it happens, I have a feeling and my heart knows the answer before my mind understands.

I will say it again for you and to remind me... My heart knows before my mind understands... Something perfect always happens when I follow that inner voice. I trust and let go.

In the week before leaving on the trip, I had seen horses everywhere. They had been on shirts, purses, and magazines. It made sense that the first stop on our trip out West was Lexington, KY, Horse Capital of the World and we would go to the Horse Park. Although horses have never been my passion, I was paying attention to the messages.

Hannah used to have a passion for horses. She had always loved kids and animals. When a truck hit our golden retriever one Thanksgiving weekend, Hannah was the one who slept on the living room floor with him to nurse him back to health. Lying on a rug, next to the wood stove fire, she comforted him back to a full recovery giving him medicine, waking up with him in the middle of the night, and singing lightly to him. She was only 7 years old then.

A few summers ago, when Hannah's sister had an acting job in Palo Duro Canyon, Texas, we went horseback riding. Hannah enjoyed it so much she took horseback riding lessons until a freaky experience happened with a horse running away with her. She wasn't hurt but she didn't want to ride anymore. I do have compassion for that experience and how it changed her desire to ride horses.

This morning in Kentucky, to my surprise, Hannah was determined not to go in. She told me the night before and she told me this morning. She had no intention of going into the park. I told her we weren't riding horses at the Park today. We were looking at them and learning about them. At the Horse Park, there were the cutest little mommy ponies and their babies. I knew she would love to see them. I was just as determined to go to the Park. The inner guidance within me was so strong I trusted it and refused to ignore it.

Here's the reason I was determined. Following your inner guidance is about building a relationship with yourself. I was building a foundation of trust where I was telling my inner guidance, I trust you. I will follow your guidance even when I don't know where you are leading me. My inner guidance has never led me to a dangerous situation. I may be out of my comfort zone but never in danger. By letting go of figuring it all out in my head and just showing up for the experience I will discover something new.

When we arrived at the horse park, Hannah still refused to go in. After a 15-minute conversation back and forth, and a 30-minute walk around the parking lot, by myself, to let all of my stirred up feelings settle down, I agreed to go by myself. She was content to sit in the car for two to three hours with her book. We are individuals, right? She was old enough to sit in the parking lot, in the shade, with a book.
I am raising my daughter to be a leader in her life, to develop her own inner guidance system. Mine said, "Go." Hers said, "No." I had to let go of my own internal resistance to the differences.

The first thing I saw in the park was an inspiring mural of horses running through the water: Thou Shalt Fly Without Wings. Something about it stirred my heart and I took a picture. Next was a bronze statue of two colts. One was in a position of jumping up and down. The other was lying on the ground. I nicknamed them Andrea and Hannah. The statue was a visual expression of who we were today.

The horse park became a place for me to reflect. The horse was a symbol for travel and freedom. In ancient cultures it was considered a warrior spirit - the brave fighter who brought you safety in your journeys. I observed everything in the few hours I was there. I appreciated the magnificence of the animals and the people who loved them so much and I thought about the trip with Hannah. Why were we here? What could we learn from each other? How could I stay open to experiencing this journey with her as a separate person and not a mother who has been responsible for caring for her for 15 years? Can I give her the space to emerge as an individual and let go more? Can I watch her make mistakes and not rush in to rescue? I am already stirred up as our differences are surfacing.

I am a leader, a connector who loves to build community.

Hannah is a strong, individual self who is listening to her own inner guidance. She is the leader of her life.

I am open to learning from her and see where we go from here. All I can do is trust and let go.

When I say, "YES!" to my inner guidance and you say, "YES!" to yours, we each walk the path we are here to walk.